once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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