To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
