I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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