My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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