i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
