Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Alive.
So much puke
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
