Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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