Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
