Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
