Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
