im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
