I wish i was in the wii world.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
