My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
