i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
