Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
