im drinking this country out of the recession.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
