I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Hello my rib-scented angel!
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
