I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
