i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
