just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
