So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
