"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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