Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
