I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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