in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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