Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Did I show you my penis last night?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
