I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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