my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Randomize
