Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
