tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
