i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
