the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
