Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
