So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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