I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
