Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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