How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
