if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
