I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
did you just send me my own nude
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
