If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
