Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
