ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
