I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
