the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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