covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
