so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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