I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
