I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
