Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
