Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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