remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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